Back To School Fundraiser

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Hello Everyone, Domestic Violence effects 1 and 4 women, 1 and 6 men. Any size Donation will help, whether its $1 or $100. I am trying to reach $1000 for local DV Victims and shelters. All proceeds will be Donated to a local Domestic Violence Shelters and Victims. I am trying to raise enough money to help with back to school cloths and School Supplies. We're not asking for alot. $1 or $2 donations is really all we are asking for.THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ALL DONATIONS

http://www.gofundme.com/clwejs

18 Steps To Safety

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It can be hard to know if your relationship is headed down the wrong path. While it’s not always possible to prevent relationship violence, there are steps you can take to try to protect yourself.

If you think your partner might be controlling or abusive, you can:

1. Trust your feelings. If something doesn’t seem right, take it seriously.

2. Find out about the warning signs of someone who might become controlling or violent.

3. Get help. Talk to people who are experts in relationship violence.

4. Remember that if your partner hurts you, it’s not your fault.

5.  Have an Escape plan!

6.  Talk to an Advocate 

7. Find Out where safe houses are(Just incase)

8. Keep a folder of all important documents.(Pictures, Court paper work, Restraining order, ect..)

9. Try to find an attorney that has experience with Domestic Violence.

10. (If have kids) Talk to them. Know what is going on in their life. Show that your care and keep them safe.

11. If children are involved write down what you want (contact arrangements etc) before any meetings/court dates as intimidation may occur there.

12. If you leave. LEAVE. Do Not Go Back! Lose ALL contact.

13. Find out all programs your Community has for DV Victims 

14.  Educate yourself on Domestic Violence

15. Try talking to someone who has gone through Domestic Violence

16. Run to someone you can trust and Let them know what is going on, (You can never tell enough people. It maybe hard but you're saving your life and others)

17. CALL THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE! 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

18.  KNOW THAT YOU ARE IMPORTANT! 

If your partner might be controlling or abusive, it’s better to get help now than to wait. Controlling or violent relationships usually get worse over time.

Victim Tips Pt 3: Women

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Getting out of an abusive or violent relationship isn’t easy. Maybe you’re still hoping that things will change or you’re afraid of what your partner will do if he discovers you’re trying to leave. Whatever your reasons, you probably feel trapped and helpless. But help is available. There are many resources available for abused and battered women, including crisis hotlines, shelters—even job training, legal services, and childcare. You deserve to live free of fear. Start by reaching out.

Why doesn't she just leave? It’s the question many people ask when they learn that a woman is being battered and abused. But if you are in an abusive relationship, you know that it’s not that simple. Ending an important relationship is never easy. It’s even harder when you’ve been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened.

BE READY!

-Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons you can use to leave the house (both during the day and at night) if you sense trouble brewing.

- Know where to go if your abuser attacks or an argument starts. Avoid small, enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the kitchen). If possible, head for a room with a phone and an outside door or window

-Establish a word, phrase, or signal you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors, or co-workers know that you’re in danger and the police should be called.

Always have an escape plan!

-Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with the driver’s door unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place

-Ask several trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline.

CONTACT A SHELTER!

Domestic violence shelters generally have room for both mothers and their children. The shelter will provide for all your basic living needs, including food and childcare. The length of time you can stay at the shelter is limited, but most shelters will also help you find a permanent home, job, and other things you need to start a new life. The shelter should also be able to refer you to other services for abused and battered women in your community, including:

- Legal Help
-Counseling
-Support Groups
-Service For Children
-Employment Programs 
-Health-Related Services 
-Educational Opportunities
-Financial Assistance


National Domestic Violence Hotline:  1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

   

Victim Tips pt 2: Children

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If you are a child living in a home where there is a lot of yelling and swearing, throwing things, pushing or hitting – this is called family violence. Witnessing family violence can be very upsetting and frightening. Violence in the home is always wrong and it is never the child’s fault. These tips may help you learn more about types of violence, how to stay safe, what to do, where and how to get help if you or someone you love is being hurt or threatened.

Often children think they have done something to cause the violence in their family. This is not true, but sometimes you might:

IF YOU THINK YOU OR SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY IS BEING ABUSED:
There are important things you should remember if you think that you or someone in your family is being abused. These include:

-The person who is being violent may try to make you feel responsible, ashamed or guilty about what is happening at home. You are not to blame for their actions – what they have done is wrong. It is not your fault and it’s not a special secret. Family violence is a crime.

-Don’t believe them if they say something bad will happen to you if you tell someone about what is happening at home. There are people who will listen and can help you

-Keeping family violence a secret is unsafe. It’s okay to tell someone and it will help you and your family to become more safe.

-Nothing is so awful that it can’t be talked about.

-Help is available.

STAY SAFE!:
Talk to people – find someone you can trust and who will listen to you. It might be someone in your family, your friends’ parents, a counselor, your teacher, the police or another trusted adult. They will help protect you.

Keep on telling different people – if you feel you are not being heard or your problem is not being fixed, keep telling people until someone takes some action and you feel safe. Don’t stop telling because you have not yet been listened to.

Remember that your body belongs to you – no one should touch any part of your body in a way that makes you feel scared or confused or hurt. This includes your private body parts. It is okay to firmly tell someone to STOP if they are touching you in a way that hurts or makes you feel confused or uncomfortable.

Know the difference between safe and unsafe touching – some touching is friendly and helpful such as hugging friends and family members, holding hands with a friend, play wrestling with your brother or giving your sister a shoulder massage.

What to do if someone you know is being abused:

-Listen and believe your friend and offer them comfort, understanding and support.

-Try not to appear shocked.

-Encourage them to tell an adult they trust or to report it to the police and let them know you will accompany them if they want.

-Don’t keep it to yourself, tell an adult you trust. It is important that your friend is made safe and that the abuse does not continue to happen

-Give your friend phone numbers of services who can help and details of online resources such as the Bursting the Bubble website.

If You or anyone you know is being abused Please reach out to help or for help. Help is out there! No one should have to be abused! Especially Children!
Also you can call the Kids Helpline at 1800-55-1800

Victim Tips: Men

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Take the violence seriously. Many men are inclined to find it amusing when the "little woman" lashes out at them. (In one survey of college students, 20 percent of men who had been attacked by their girlfriends thought it was funny.) Violence that seems harmless at first can escalate. The first time she hits you, tell her that if there's a second time, it will be the last time she sees you - and act on it. Do NOT hit back! If you're an average sized man and your partner is an average sized woman, you can do major damage with a single blow. You will feel much better about yourself if you don't retaliate. However, physically restraining the batterer is ordinarily not an acceptable alternative. In some state that is also considered illegal. 

Don't keep it a secret. If you cannot easily leave (because of the children, for example) let someone know what is happening. Overcome the embarrassment and call the police. Talk to a counselor, to your doctor, to family members.Speak out about your experience as a victim of abuse. Perhaps domestic violence would no longer be perceived as merely a woman's issue.

Children and The Effects Of Domestic Violence

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Domestic violence affects every member of the family, including the children. Family violence creates a home environment where children live in constant fear. Children who witness family violence are affected in ways similar to children who are physically abused..They are often unable to establish nurturing bonds with either parent. Children are at greater risk for abuse and neglect if they live in a violent home. Statistics show that over 3 million children witness violence in their home each year. Those who see and hear violence in the home suffer physically and emotionally.

 Recent research indicates that children who witness domestic violence show more anxiety, low self esteem, depression, anger and temperament problems than children who do not witness violence in the home.

Potential Effects:

Emotional:

-Grief for family and personal losses.-
-Shame, guilt, and self blame.
-Confusion about conflicting feelings toward parents.
-Fear of abandonment, or expressing emotions, the unknown or personal injury.
-Anger.
-Depression and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.
-Embarrassment.


Behavioral:

-Acting out or withdrawing.
-Aggressive or passive.
-Refusing to go to school.
-Care taking; acting as a parent substitute.
-Lying to avoid confrontation.
-Rigid defenses.
-Excessive attention seeking.
-Bedwetting and nightmares.
-Reduced intellectual competency.


Social:
-Isolation from friends and relatives.
-Stormy relationships.
-Difficulty in trusting, especially adults.
-Poor anger management and problem solving skills.
-Excessive social involvement to avoid home.
-Passivity with peers or bullying.
-Engaged in exploitative relationships as perpetrator or victim.


Physical:
-Somatic complaints, headaches and stomachaches.
-Nervous, anxious, short attention span.
-Tired and lethargic.
-Frequently ill.
-Poor personal hygiene.
-Regression in development.
-High risk play.
-Self abuse

5 types Of Domestic Violence

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Physical Abuse: The use of physical force against another person in a way that ends up injuring the person, or puts the person at risk of being injured.

-Does your partner push, hit or choke you?
-Does your partner threaten to hurt you with a weapon?
I.E:
-Non-consensual rough play (i.e. martial arts, MMA, self-defense techniques.)
-Abuse that results in lacerations, broken bones, internal injuries, or miscarriage

Emotional Abuse: Can be verbal or nonverbal.

-Does your partner continually criticize you, call you names?
-Does your partner make all decisions for you?
I.E:
-Humiliating partners in private or public
-Taking car keys, cell phone, or other means of communication away

Financial Abuse: May include withholding resources, stealing from the victim, or using the victims name to cause debt.

-Does your partner force you to work, or refuse to let you work?
-Do you feel financially dependent on your partner?
I.E:
-Having all bank accounts in the abuser’s name
-Assigning an allowance (often very small or unrealistic cost of living)

Sexual Abuse is often linked to physical abuse; they may occur together, or the sexual abuse may occur after a bout of physical abuse

-Does your partner minimize the importance of your feelings about sex?

-Does your partner force unwanted sex acts?

I.E:

-Birth control sabotage

-Forcing a partner to become a sex worker or prostitute

Spiritual Abuse: Is anything that comes in the way of you doing something or feeling good about yourself.

-Does your partner not allow you to practice your morals/religious beliefs or culture/values?

-Do you feel that you have given up things that are important you?

If You or anyone you know are going through any of these, Call The National Domestic Violence Helpline: 1-800-799-7233